Redneck Time Out

Git-R-Dun!

"Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?"
"Yes. What can I do for you?"
"I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith....He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there."Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. Theysearch the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust openevery piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
They sneer at virgil and leave.
Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.
"Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd....Did the Sheriff come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep!"
"Happy Birthday, buddy!"
(Rednecks know how to Git-R-Dun!!!)

The Computer Swallowed Grandma

The computer swallowed grandma.

Yes, honestly its true!

She pressed 'control' and 'enter'

And disappeared from view.

It devoured her completely,
The thought just makes me squirm.

She must have caught a virus

Or been eaten by a worm.

I've searched through the recycle bin

And files of every kind;

I've even used the Internet,
But nothing did I find.

In desperation, I asked Jeeves

My searches to refine.

The reply from him was negative,

Not a thing was found 'online.'

So, if inside your 'Inbox,'My Grandma you should see,

Please 'Copy,''Scan' and 'Paste' her
And send her back to me.